"The 11 year old girl stands by the edge of the pool, the cool blue water dazzling with life as the sun tickles its surface.
There is
no breeze and
her hair sticks
to her face
in the summer
heat. Behind her
she can hear
the excited voices
and chattering of
all the other
children as they
in turn each
make their way
along in the
queue and through
the gates to
join in the excitement of
this, the first
day the pool
is open for
the summer.
She can feel the excitement building inside of her entire being, she looks down at the beautiful, brightly coloured new two piece swimsuit her ever loving and thoughtful mother had surprised her with on this very day, and smiles, it perfectly matches the excitement of the day.
She can feel the excitement building inside of her entire being, she looks down at the beautiful, brightly coloured new two piece swimsuit her ever loving and thoughtful mother had surprised her with on this very day, and smiles, it perfectly matches the excitement of the day.
The sun
no longer seems
sweltering but rather
deliciously warm as
it basks everything
with its glow
of happiness. She
places her bag
on the soft
grass, under the
shade and returns
to the water’s
edge. She knows
she should wait
for her friends
but she is
so filled with
delight and thinking
of nothing but
the very moment
she is in,
as she is
overcome by the
temptation of the
inviting water and
stretches her body
fully and completely
unselfconsciously into what
she believes to
be a graceful
and elegant dive
into that wonderful
water. All at once she is overcome with an aliveness and contentment as she moves through the water, she bursts through the surface, her face covered in a contented grin of pure and complete joy.
It is because she is so overwhelmed by the utter delight of the moment and all the glorious sensations that she is not at first even aware of the small group of slightly older girls by the pools edge.
Their laughter and pointing grabs her attention as some of what they are saying suddenly becomes apparent.
"What is she thinking, wearing a two piece!", "Fat and ugly girls should not be allowed to the pool". So caught off guard is she, so taken aback that her 11 year old self does not know how to react. She leaves the pool, on this day, this day that was so important, and felt so exciting and magical, this day that she and friends and been so impatiently waiting for, for what had seemed like forever.
She tells
her confused friends
that she does
not feel well. She
walks calmly and
quietly most of
the way home,
until she reaches
the quiet secret
spot she has
spent so many
a wonderful day
with her good
friends, it is
there where she
feels safe and
alone that she
releases her hurt
and weeps uncontrollably against
her beloved favourite
tree until her
young body can
cry no more.
She had
always known she
was not a
small girl, always
been described as
'solid', but it
was not until
this very moment
that she had
ever been truly
ashamed of how
she looked and
felt such intensely
awful feelings of herself.
She went home that day, but didn't tell her mother of whom she was close to, she never told her friends.
She kept the hurt inside.
A ball of hurt that would grow and follow her into adulthood, effecting her self-confidence and starting an all-consuming obsession with her weight and food, and keep her from ever truly feeling completely happy and loved.
She went home that day, but didn't tell her mother of whom she was close to, she never told her friends.
She kept the hurt inside.
A ball of hurt that would grow and follow her into adulthood, effecting her self-confidence and starting an all-consuming obsession with her weight and food, and keep her from ever truly feeling completely happy and loved.
When she
was blessed with
a daughter of
her own, she
was inspired and moved by
this beautiful, pure
and precious girl,
so full of
radiance, so full
of life.
She made a decision.
She was going
to change her
life. She was
going to embrace
a healthy and
active lifestyle and
become a positive
role model to
this precious baby
girl, she would
show her daughter
that you can
achieve amazing things
when your heart
is in it,
she was going
to find herself
belief, find her
inner beauty, find
her inner strengths
and be the
great woman that
the 11 year
old girl had
always wanted to
become, and she
did.
I was that 11 year old girl "
My journey has never been an always smooth one or a perfect one. It has had ups and downs like most people, but I am always grateful for this experience in my life and for the fact that I do have a body type that truly does put on weight so easily, yes, I am grateful for that element in my DNA because that has made me a stronger version of myself, it has given me awareness of my body which I might not have personally had otherwise and made me aware of what does and doesn't serve my body well.
It has made health a big focus in my life, it makes me feel really proud when I am in fit, toned and in top healthy form, made me really proud when I lost 30 kilos'after baby number one and 22 after baby number 2, the old fashioned way, no tricks or fast fads just lots of exercise and eating well, it gave me inner strength when I faced my hardest challenge of all battling a full on virus and the triggered auto immune dis-ease reaction in my body after it, through the medication that helped me but made me gain weight, it gave me the strength to never give up on myself, to know I will get back to fit and healthy.
It makes me always determined and motivated to get back there, even when it is hard, even when battling illness or injury or life's emotional roller coaster, it drives me to get back to being healthy and happy,strong and fit, it makes it important to me, it has made me grow, it has made me, me.
Bek XX
