Extract (c)rebeccamugridge2012
So why did having a daughter of my own affect me so much?
Growing up my mother was always carrying extra weight; her mother had always carried extra weight and her mother before her.
As a child I often carried extra weight…
"The 11 year old girl stands by the edge of the pool, the cool blue water dazzling with life as the sun tickles its surface.
There is no breeze and her hair sticks to her face in the summer heat. Behind her she can hear the excited voices and chattering of all the other children as they in turn each make their way along in the queue and through the gates to join in the excitement of this, the first day the pool is open for the summer.
She can feel the excitement building inside of her entire being, she looks down at the beautiful, brightly coloured new two piece swimsuit her ever loving and thoughtful mother had surprised her with on this very day, and smiles, it perfectly matches the excitement of the day.
There is no breeze and her hair sticks to her face in the summer heat. Behind her she can hear the excited voices and chattering of all the other children as they in turn each make their way along in the queue and through the gates to join in the excitement of this, the first day the pool is open for the summer.
She can feel the excitement building inside of her entire being, she looks down at the beautiful, brightly coloured new two piece swimsuit her ever loving and thoughtful mother had surprised her with on this very day, and smiles, it perfectly matches the excitement of the day.
The sun no longer seems sweltering but rather deliciously warm as it basks everything with its glow of happiness. She places her bag on the soft grass, under the shade and returns to the water’s edge. She knows she should wait for her friends but she is so filled with delight and thinking of nothing but the very moment she is in, as she is overcome by the temptation of the inviting water and stretches her body fully and completely, unselfconsciously into what she believes to be a graceful and elegant dive into that wonderful water.
All at once she is overcome with an aliveness and contentment as she moves through the water, she bursts through the surface, her face covered in a contented grin of pure and complete joy.
It is because she is so overwhelmed by the utter delight of the moment and all the glorious sensations that she is not at first even aware of the small group of slightly older girls by the pools edge.
Their laughter and pointing grabs her attention as some of what they are saying suddenly becomes apparent.
"What is she thinking, wearing a two piece!", "Fat and ugly girls should not be allowed to the pool". So caught off guard is she, so taken aback that her 11 year old self does not know how to react. She leaves the pool, on this day, this day that was so important, and felt so exciting and magical, this day that she and her friends had been so impatiently waiting for, for what had seemed like forever.
All at once she is overcome with an aliveness and contentment as she moves through the water, she bursts through the surface, her face covered in a contented grin of pure and complete joy.
It is because she is so overwhelmed by the utter delight of the moment and all the glorious sensations that she is not at first even aware of the small group of slightly older girls by the pools edge.
Their laughter and pointing grabs her attention as some of what they are saying suddenly becomes apparent.
"What is she thinking, wearing a two piece!", "Fat and ugly girls should not be allowed to the pool". So caught off guard is she, so taken aback that her 11 year old self does not know how to react. She leaves the pool, on this day, this day that was so important, and felt so exciting and magical, this day that she and her friends had been so impatiently waiting for, for what had seemed like forever.
She tells her confused friends that she does not feel well. She walks calmly and quietly most of the way home, until she reaches the quiet secret spot where she has spent so many wonderful days with her good friends, it is there where she feels safe and alone that she releases her hurt and weeps uncontrollably against her beloved favourite tree until her young body can cry no more.
She had always known she was not a small girl, always been described as 'solid', but it was not until this very moment that she had ever been truly ashamed of how she looked and felt such intensely awful feelings of herself.
She went home that day, but didn't tell her mother of whom she was close to, she never told her friends.
She kept the hurt inside.
A ball of hurt that would grow and follow her into adulthood, effecting her self-confidence and starting an all-consuming obsession with her weight and food, and keep her from ever truly feeling completely happy and loved.
She went home that day, but didn't tell her mother of whom she was close to, she never told her friends.
She kept the hurt inside.
A ball of hurt that would grow and follow her into adulthood, effecting her self-confidence and starting an all-consuming obsession with her weight and food, and keep her from ever truly feeling completely happy and loved.
When she was blessed with a daughter of her own, she was inspired and moved by this beautiful, pure and precious girl, so full of radiance, so full of life.
She made a decision.
She was going to change her life. She was going to embrace a healthy and active lifestyle and become a positive role model to this precious baby girl, she would show her daughter that you can achieve amazing things when your heart is in it, she was going to find herself belief, find her inner beauty, find her inner strengths and be the great woman that the 11 year old girl had always wanted to become, and she did.
I was that 11 year old girl
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A story that many a girl could relate to. Rebecca's words are real and from the heart. Between the lines I see so much love and desire to help others.
ReplyDeleteDawn Alice xxx
Thank you so very much Dawn!! xxx
ReplyDelete